Why I am writing this blog?
It’s not for the Professional BDSM community in Singapore or anywhere else where I work, who already know the issues, and neither for the experienced BDSM lifestylers who’ve already figured it out for themselves …it is really to help inform the vanilla world and some of those who often criticize workers involved in the sex industry about what BDSM is….and isn’t.
It’s not about sex, violence or sex trafficking…..and nothing like what you have read or seen in 50 Shades of Grey. I’ve used references from academic research to support my views to help many realize just how amazing the art and science of BDSM really is
First the Church & Now FOSTA!
I was motivated to write this blog because of the level of misinformation, discrimination, exclusion and marginalization that culminated recently with the shutdown by Backpage.com lead by SESTA/FOSTA1 which massively effected the Professional Dominatrix Community across the Middle East and Far East, including Singapore. It seems that FOSTA and other organisations like the church seek to demonise and persecute the whole sex industry, rather than looking intelligently and targeting the real criminals exploiting the industry. It was a very crude and cruel decision which has affected the lives of thousands of workers in the sex industry.
Also, poor knowledge within the vanilla community only helps feed and support these organisations efforts and stops a healthy discussion and realization, that for large numbers of people, BDSM is a normal part of a good/open relationship, whether it’s in Singapore or anywhere else in the world.
Source: Family Guy, Fox Broadcasting
BDSM – Are You Sick?
I’m amazed but not surprised that BDSM practices were seen as a disease that required treatment; psychological that is, and not dungeon based!
A Bit of BDSM History
In 1929 phychologist William Stekel referred to BDSM practitioners as ‘criminals’. Freud also famously considered such individuals as psychologically abnormal; so not much change since then! However, it took until 2013 for the DSM (an American medical guide) to consider that BDSM was not a medical or psychological disorder!! This opinion influences medical thinking across the world and although officially this is the case, there are many who still share the old world view, particularly within the religious and political elite.
Marquis de Sade – Early BDSM Practice
BDSM – You Were Sick Until Recently!
Not surprisingly the DSM also once considered being gay or lesbian as a pathology or sickness, as they didn’t quite fit the religious fundamentalist view of what ‘normal’ meant! So BDSM and being gay are the new normal…progress indeed? If BDSM is normal, then it’s about time Professional Dominatrices like me were recognized for the work we do in Singapore and the world over.
The definition by the DSM does suggest though, that our inclination to enjoy BDSM may be caused by some underlying psychological and pathological reason! I suppose we have to pleased with progress….even if it’s taken a few thousand years!!
Perhaps most positively, recent research2 from interviews with 66 Professional Dominatrices in New York concluded that BDSM was considered by both the Dominatrix community and their clients as therapy before anything else.
BDSM Community – Healthier Than Vanillas!
I recently cam across a study by psychologists Wimeijer and Van Assen[4] who compared 1,300 people who practiced BDSM and those in the ‘vanilla’ world. The results? Kink lovers are definitely NOT mentally ill, are less neurotic, more extroverted, and more of an open mind, more conscientious, more confident and not affected by rejection . It would appear, contrary to elements of society and certain organizations, that people who have a love of BDSM are more normal and well balanced than the typical vanilla!
Contrary to popular beliefs over the centuries, kink and fetish lovers are not disturbed, unhinged, mentally challenged, deviant, criminally insane or even sociopathic….in fact BDSM is the new normal! Not something that people want to hear.
As a professional dominatrix working in Singapore and all over the world, I would describe my clients as authentic, genuine and courageous and people who are brave enough and have the conviction to express what is true to themselves. In being able to express their ‘real selves’ they free themselves of the burdens that the vanillas carry with them throughout their life.
It’s liberating and reassuring that now science and academic research supports what Dominatrices have always known and now society, governments and religion just need to catch up!!
Source: Norebbo & Shutterstock
Confusing BDSM With Sex!
BDSM – The Sex Pistols of Sex!
For the vanillas, when they hear the words BDSM, kink and fetish, it means the dark side of sex rather than just an aspect of if, that may not be quite ‘normal’….whatever that means! BDSM is to sex what the Sex Pistols are to music; yes it’s at one end of the spectrum, but it’s enjoyed and explored by perfectly sane and normal people in the same way that not everyone into the Sex Pistols is deviant, perverse, psychotic or mentally ill.
Vanilla sex in a music sense the Spice Girls….middle of the road and not very exciting. At some point in peoples lives, most vanillas want to explore and indulge more in sex than just the missionary….welcome to BDSM. For many of my clients, their partners refuse, ridicule or are dismissive of any sexual adventure or expression, which is why of course there is a need for professional Dominatrices like me. Quite simply my dungeon is the only place where my clients are able to express themselves in the fullest sense of the word.
Your Brain Is Your Biggest Sexual Organ
Have you ever really physically desired someone who is not attractive?….well for most people including my self, the answer is YES! It may be their confidence, demeanor, the way they talk or just the deep mental connection you have with them…often it’s inexplicable but you have an almost animalistic attraction for them that you can’t ignore.
In a BDSM session, it nearly always about psychological gratification. Of course it is erotic and sensuous…it’s meant to be….but the sex and desire takes place in the heads of my clients.
One things for certain….it is not physical and doesn’t include me!!
The majority of my clients, including those in Singapore will often come to session with me to explore their fantasies, which have been locked in their heads for various reasons, which I’ve talked about elsewhere in this blog (therapy, fantasy etc). Being able to explore these mental fantasies in real life….in my dungeon remains very much my clients heads during our sessions and the eroticism and therapeutic aspects of exploring these fantasies and desires cannot be underestimated.
What makes BDSM so special is that is in essence, an exploration of the physical emotional and mental states, which allow the professional Dominatrix to stimulate the senses in a creative and playful way that creates a head rush of emotions. Being able to have the space and permission to express elements of your repressed sexuality…even inside your head…is liberating and earthing to a degree that physical pleasure cannot even compare.
Source: Deviance & Desire
Living Life As A Dominatrix
The Typical Dominatrix!
Psychologist, Danielle Lindemann[2] in her survey of 66 Professional Dominatrices found that the typical Dominatrix was 37 years old, had above average education and intelligence, was well as being balanced and normal and well adjusted in every sense of the word. Many were in higher education or had achieved degree qualifications or the equivalent and also many came from professional/managerial backgrounds. There was no mention of deviancy, criminality or being mentally unhinged.
So much for the picture of the typical Dominatrix that society paints of us!!…….
How Would you Describe The Work of a Dominatrix?
The professional life of a dominatrix is complex, intricate, subtle and deep. It is part art, part theatre, part craft, part psychology and part science and whose practice is mastered like any other profession over many, many years.
If you think that you can become a professional Dominatrix just because you can hold a whip…..you are ever so slightly delusional…..it’s about as far removed from 50 Shades as you could possible imagine.
I Don’t Have a Typical Day at the Office!!
The full history of my life as a Dominatrix can be found in an article written by Domina Lady Sas (Mistress Nikky French – The Smiling Sadist)
However, on a day to day basis my work is never the same, particularly when I’m working in Singapore. I would say that there is not a ‘typical client’ but one thing I have noticed is that my Singaporean clients love anal play in all its flavours, including strapon, fisting, feminization and forced-bi. The other big love of my clients in Singapore is foot fetish including heel and boot worship….they can’t seem to get enough of my cute, small feet!!
To look at me, most people would not imagine that a petite, brunette could find the strength, mental discipline and toughness to dominate men in the way I do. It empowers me in a way that you can’t imagine and also totally fulfills me. It’s the perfect job for any alpha female! My style of BDSM is not the typical experience my clients will find with other Dominatrices in Singapore or anywhere else. I love to have a good conversation and more importantly, I love to have fun in my dungeon, both in and out of my sessions. My dungeon is really a playground for adults where we can have fun, be ourselves and let our hair down.
Want to experience the finest BDSM sessions in Singapore….just pick up the phone and call me!
I Make The Rules & Create the Drama
The one thing I always say to all my clients is that our sessions are never scripted. Some newbies and even experienced new clients come with a big list of things they want to do, the things that they want me to say, how I will do it and what will happen to them!
Well what can I say?…..I don’t care for lists and as a creative person myself, I never follow a script….why?….I like surprises!!! My clients soon learn that the best way to session with me is to give me some of the ingredients for our sessions and let me make the rules, what happens and when. It keeps my clients on edge, increases the suspense and really increases the stimulation on both a mental and physical level.
They soon learn that you can never trust Mistress Nikky French’s Smile; it’s unpredictable, it’s devious and behind it is a sadist that loves to see her slaves suffer for her pleasure A good way to describe me perhaps, is a therapist in thigh high boots….I don’t write notes, I just write and leave my marks on your body and on your soul!
What Do I do & Don’t Do
You can read about what I do to my slaves in Singapore on my home page . I’m a real expert in anal play, foot fetish, CBT, bondage, spanking, chastity and fandom, but what I always say to my clients is that no one touches or sees my junk! Also, there is no personal touching and no kissing…I’m not an escort and besides….that’s not what BDSM is about.
My job is to get inside your head, and create an emotional and physical release through BDSM that will be like nothing you can imagine!
Singapore Dominatrix – Sex Therapy vs Sex Work
Photo: Misnikou & Shutterstock
Sex Therapy – Challenging Prejudice
Why Do Clients Seek BDSM Therapy?
BDSM Experiences Can Change Your Life
BDSM Therapy – Learn to be Yourself
Types of BDSM Therapy
Touch Therapy:
Confessional Space:
Emotional Space:
BDSM Dungeons – What To Expect
50 Shades – A BDSM Fuckup!
“Why don’t you like to be touched?” I whisper, staring up into soft gray eyes. “Because I’m fifty shades of f*cked up, Anastasia.” (page 369)
Singapore’s BDSM Kink & Community
Singapore – A Kinky City?!
